Giving up

I had to make my portfolio for tomorrow. However this would be an ecological disaster without any purpose (but I will not elaborate on this) I did not do it out of uselessness.
And laziness.

I think it's weak. No, it is weak, I know. And I already put some effort in it so it is all a waste now. Anyway, I have to get my life back on track. This is not the way my life is going to work. I have to find some motivation, some purpose. And discipline. I have to start reading books. Because I love it. I have to start reading about China and Japan. Because I love it. I have to do Erasmus. Although I'm scared as hell how it will turn out. I would love it. I think at least.

So I finally have to get rid of this stupid thoughts and just do something, fill the gap.

And I am going to break up with my boyfriend, however I'm scared as hell what I'm going to do without him. This doesn't work. I will be forever alone, but it's better than now hoping he will reply, be online on skype or something.

I start over again.
I will

I don't want to be like the Paradise song, I want to get fulfillment in my life, not only in my dreams.